Mmm...that's good eats

What a glorious day! It's about 1pm, Amelia (18 mo.) is inside napping, I have Ethan (9 mo.) and Avery (11 mo.) outside with me. I've brought a bucket of plastic food out with us and we're sitting in the grass, playing with food, enjoying the day. The neighbor girls who are home on spring break have come over to join us. Avery starts crawling for the flower bed which is squishy from recent rain. I pull her back to the grass and toys and glance at Ethan. What's he chewing on? I'm studying this piece of brown something that he's got in his hand. The hand is at the mouth of course and he's having fun trying out whatever it is. Hmmm, sure doesn't look like any of the plastic food pieces that I can think of. It doesn't look like a leaf, twig, or piece of dirt. I move closer to observe. Is it a string? No, a big fat juicy earthworm! I scream like a little girl, yanking the worm from his hand and tossing it across the yard. Eeeewww! I turn back to see Avery in the flower bed squishiness with a mouthful of mud.

My son, the old man

Elliot needs a magnet for a homework assignment. His teacher let him borrow one from school, but he accidentally left it in the car of the family that brings him home. He's very upset about it. I let him use the magnetic clip from the refrigerator.

Flashforward two days: Why is this grocery list lying on the counter? I thought I put it on the fridge. Hmmm, the magnetic clip that was holding it is missing.
"Elliot, did you take my clip to school?"
"No."
"Where is it? You used it for your homework, and now it's missing."
"Oh yea, the other day, I had it in my room and I just opened it up and it just fell apart. All I did was open it."
"You BROKE it?"
I must have perfected my mad mom glare because he bursts into tears. I'm shocked. Holy Crap! Did my look seriously make the boy cry? Now I feel bad. Elliot's storming off to his bedroom, feelings hurt. I stop him. "Why are you crying? I didn't even yell at you. It's not a big deal." I proceed to tell Elliot the story of something I did that was way worse. I borrowed my mom's promise ring that my dad had given her when she was 16. I lost it. It was never found. The ring was way more important than any silly clip. I assure him that I'm not mad.
"What's a promise ring?"
"It's a ring that a boy gives a girl when they like each other."
"Why doesn't the boy get a ring?"
"I don't know. I guess because a promise ring is like a promise that the boy is going to ask the girl to marry him."
Silence. I remember suddenly that my son has just asked me recently whether a girl can be a friend without being a girlfriend if you don't love her. Now, I'm realizing that he's been putting gel in his hair all week. Eek!
"You're not allowed to give any girl a promise ring until your 20."
"I'm never getting married."
"What do you mean you're never getting married? How am I going to have grandbabies?
"Avery can have them."
"Oh, what are you going to do, be a priest?"
"No, I'm just gonna be a lazy old man who does nothing but watch TV."
His dad's response, "Sorry, that job is taken."